She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
