i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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