I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
