Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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