we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
