"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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