woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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