im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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