Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
