Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
time to smoke my breakfast
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
