I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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