i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
