4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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