I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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