$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
