why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
