i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
