physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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