I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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