i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
