Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
