kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
