Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
