I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
