i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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