are you so shy because you have an std?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
