If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
