How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
