Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
