Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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