just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
