saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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