you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
