ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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