everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
