Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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