We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
