Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
