I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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