I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm always down for nudity.
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