if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
