Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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