white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
