Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
