; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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