I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
