There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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