So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
