shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
