I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
