Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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