so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
