My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
