my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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