Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
