i would punch a child for taco bell
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just had sex bonerless
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
