i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
