you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
