um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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