no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
