Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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