That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
