Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
